Love and Money

“Covering the depth of our brokenness clouds the depth of God’s love for us" 

-Frank powell

We have officially moved in to our house! Its so nice to finally have our own place, doing our own thing. We don’t have living room furniture yet, and we are currently using a charcoal stove, and no electricity but next summer I would like to come home again and work, so that we can buy some of the items we are missing! A work in progress.

Living room

Kitchen-Water Filter

Spare Room

Luka's Room

Our room

Toilet

Shower

Sifeli’s youngest brother, Luka, moved in with us this week. Sifeli had to talk to his aunt (who Luka was living with) in order for his 20 year old brother to be able to move in. Luka wantedto move in with us because his aunt wouldn’t feed him. He was eating at his sister’s place every day,  or we would give him money to buy something to eat. I am really trying to turn over a new leaf, one where I stop judging people, stop giving conditional love, and try to be like Jesus to those around me, but it was really hard to love this women after I heard this. I couldn’t understand why a women who goes to church every Sunday could be so cruel to her nephew, a nephew who has no where else to go. My first thoughts are to dislike this woman, my frist thoughts are to keep Aiden away from her, to think that she must be the worst kind of person,  but the truth is its just more evidence of a culture missing Jesus. Satan has provided the perfect lie for these people, one where everyone goes to church every Sunday to pray thinking that is all the is needed to know God, then spends the rest of the week lying, cheating, gossiping, sleeping around, collecting many wives or being a man’s other wife. Their aunt didn’t want Luka to come live with us, Sifeli had to talk to her twice and suggest getting both sides of their parent’s families together for her to finally agree.  Haivng Luka has been a blessing. He adores Aiden and Aiden him. He will take Aiden out for walks visiting relatives, while I can wash dishes, or clothes, or clean the house. He helps light the fire, helps cook, and is currently trying to learn English. I am excited about the opportunity to show him Jesus, he is young and not married to many women yet, maybe there is still a chance for him! 

The children from Sunrise went to their homes on Saturday the 6^th of December. Two of the boys’ families never came to pick them up and it always breaks my heart when this happens. You can always see the hurt in these kids’ eyes when no one comes to claim them, kills me every time. We waited until around noon and still no one showed so I took the two boys up in the Polaris to deliver then to their families. No one was home at either place and so we went to my house they helped me wash some of Aiden’s diapers and then I took them to have chipsi mayai and soda, then returned to Site until early evening when we would try again. 

The next morning Sifeli needed to buy some nails or something for the house so I opened my wallet to give him money, and noticed a significant amount of money was missing. (I had taken out money to take Aiden to DAR to the doctor for his 6 month check up.) I counted the money and realized around $100 was missing. I thought maybe I had thought I took out more but hadn’t, so I went to site where the internet is better to look at my bank account. I had indeed taken the money out, so someone had stolen it. I tried to retrace all of my steps from the previous day but couldn’t remember a time where I left my bag somewhere that someone could steal from me. 

The next day, Monday, the kids from Site came to work in the shamba for a few hours. Two of the boys, the two who I had spent Saturday with, came with new cell phones and were listeing to music. One boy said that his sister gave him 100,000 shillings (which is a HUGE SUM OF MONEY HERE). Word came back to Gerusa and I and we got suspicious. We drove around Monday evening trying to figure out the truth about the money. We finally tracked down the one boys sister and asked her about the money. Sadly she said that her brother was a liar she had never given him that money. Other children in the village were saying the boys had said they stole the money from site. The truth eventually came out that one of the boys had taken the money out of my wallet, and in a day had spent all of it. We had a meeting the next mornig with the one boy, his sister, her husband, and the Aunt he is staying with (who turn out is also Sifeli’s aunt, so my aunt as well). He admitted that he took the money out of my wallet and we discussed what was to be done. We know that this situation has to be treated very seriously, and we are honestly at a loss as to what needs to be done. We decided they would have to work off the money that they stole, and that the one boy may receive a suspension from Sunrise. I want to leak Jesus in this situation and I am praying for the wisdom to do so. Already the boys are shying away from me and shame is written across their faces, and I am trying to show them love still and telling them I forgive them. It’s such a hard situation and everyone is at a loss as to how to handle it, we know that we can’t just “sweep this situation” under the rug.

Kay has told one of the boys that he can work at her house and she will pay him and he is to pay me back the money that he makes. We will be getting all of the money that was stolen returned. As well as both boys and their families will meet with the village chief and the head of our advice committee.

Being a mom has been a blessing; getting the chance to love on this little life that I created, that I carried for 8 months, and now can’t imagine my life with out him.  He is getting so big go fast, its hard to remember that at one time he was only 3lbs! My almost 7 month old baby is wearing 9 month clothes already! He is now eating food; potatoes, dark leafy greens, bananas, and porridge are among the favorites right now. I can tell he misses the kids because whenever we see other children he gets very excited and his face lights up!

“I could see it so clearly, and I could feel it in the pages of my life. This was the thing that had smelled so rotten all these years. I used love like money. The church used love like money. With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones who did…It was clear that I was to love everybody, be delighted in everyone’s existence, and I had fallen miles short of God’s aim…instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on. Lavishly. I hoped that love would work like a magnet, pulling people from the mire and toward healing. I knew that this is the way God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson…I loved the fact that it wasn’t my responsibility to change somebody, that it was God’s, that my part was just to communicate love and approval.”

-Donald Miller

My heart continues to break for the people around me here. Someone close to us has impregnated 4 women at the same time, he already has one wife and two children. All of these women are aware that he had a wife and children ad yet they still decided to have a relationship with him. One of the girls lives in this very village. It just hurts my heart to see these women making these kinds of choices, having no idea of their own worth; taking the place as wife number two or three or so on, not realizing that they are worth so much more. 

All of this made me realize some things about myself. I had been searching for what I was missing in all the wrong places. I was trying to get what I needed from Sifeli, but the cold hard truth is that he doesn’t have what I am searching for.  He is human and he will always let me down, but God, he is trying to get my attention, trying to offer me all the things that I am searching for, that I am hurting for, all the things that I am desperate for. God is the only one who can fill that empty place in my heart,in all of our hearts. I love Sifeli and I love this place we live in, but I was letting all the things he couldn’t give me blind me from all the things God has to offer  me, and in return that he has asked me to offer other people. I have this opportunity to love these people and bring them Jesus and I was letting my own baggage block me from giving something that was never mine to keep. I was keeping them from Jesus. 

These people are hurting for Jesus, they are hurting for someone to love them unconditionally, they are sleeping with each others spouses, having other women’s husband’s children, getting drunk every night, their hearts are broken and they need someone to fill the cracks. They are lost and searching, and I know what they are searching for, I know because I have felt that pain, felt that loss, searched for the same things they are, tried to find it in the things of the world, tried to find it in Sifeli, tried to find it in sex, but the difference is I know that the very thing we are all hurting for is Jesus. I got lost for a little while but I am finding my way back because the truth is that in not sharing what I know about Jesus I am selfishly sitting back and letting them all carry on with these lives that are just filled with pain. By not sharing what I know about Jesus and his unconditional love, about his open arms, about his grace and forgiveness, about eternal life, I am robbing them of a gift that is not mine to decide who receives it. 

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you."

-John 15:16

Change Something

“God has given each person a unique set of passions. Your heart breaks for things my heart doesn’t necessarily break for. I am passionate about issues you are not necessarily passionate about. Ask yourself the question, what breaks my heart? And everything in not an appropriate answer. I understand the world is full of injustice. I understand you want to eradicate world hunger, homelessness, poverty, abortions, sex trafficking, and every other injustice in the world. But trying to eradicate every injustice on earth means you won’t have an impact on any of them. Find those areas that really stir your emotions and your passions, and want to pour God’s transforming power into them…

God hasn’t called Christians to change the entire world, but he has called us to change something.”

-Frank Powell

The house is coming along, the roof is FINISHED! We are going to cut back on some things to finish later on, so that we can move in before the rains hit! We built an outdoor toilet, until we can get water put inside we are going to use the outdoor one.

 

We now have a new village chief! There had to be two elections. The first one the current chief cheated in and got everyone drunk so they would vote for him. Someone in the village went to district to complain and then we had a second election. The second election a new chief was voted in! This is very exciting news for Sunrise! The new chief has been very helpful to us in the past, in fact he is the one who helped us to get the cow! 

Two weeks ago we had a family meeting to introduce Aiden and I to the family, again, but with more people. Instead of paying a bride price for me, they are going to give us gifts. They decided that the family will get together in April, after harvesting their crops, to give us gifts or money. We already have two avocado trees to plant, lots of corn for ugali (the staple food of Tanzania), and a goat. I have no idea what we are going to do with a goat, but hey we are getting one! Eventually I would like to have chickens so we can have eggs, but that will be in the future! As well as a nice garden space! 

The kids are doing excellent as usual. They are going to their homes on December 6^th! Many of them have already said they will come visit us so we better get our house done! I love the idea of a full house for our first family Christmas! 

 

Elia, Aiden, & Ima

Ziada carrying Aiden in traditional TZ fashion.

Aiden talking during picture time,

Shedrack, the little boy I have been telling you all about, is doing so well. He is running and laughing a complete turn around. The kids’ father has also made a turn around; taking medications and not drinking anymore. Nicky and Atu, are blossoming here. Nicky is picking up lots of English and Atu has fit in quite well with Halima and Sesi, our two youngest! 

There are lots of babies at site now! Seven to be exact! The cow finally had her baby, a girl! As well as one of our rabbits had 5 babies! (And then of course there is Aiden.) Sunrise just keeps getting bigger!

We had two family “help on the farm” days. We were planting corn! We are all finished, well planting at least. I even put Aiden on my back and worked the hoe! SO very Tanzanian! 

Unfortunately I have some bad news for this blog as well. A couple of my very good friends, Tumpe and Jose, lost their sister. Her name was Wini, and she was a friend of mine as well. When I first got here Wini had a son who was 2 years old that died and that was the first funeral I ever went to. She also has two daughters; one is six years old and lives with her grandmother, and the other one is only a month and a half. The baby was sent to kipengere, the baby orphanage about 30 minutes from here. Apparently Wini had been having really bad headaches for around a month, the doctors believe it was malaria. (She was living in a different region then we are in.) It was the first funeral that I cried at here. I have been to a lot of funerals here and while I have felt for the people who lost loved ones, this time it was personal, I lost a friend. My roots are growing deeper here, this isn't just a place that I live in, its home.

 Last Sunday Gerusa and I took some of Wini’s family to kipengere to see the baby and to sign all the paperwork. She is such  a tiny little girl, and it was so wonderful to get to meet her, as well as all the other little babies and toddlers running around. They were very taken with Aiden and Aiden with them. Please be praying for her family and the little ones she leaves behind. 

I will be heading to DAR on December 1. Aiden has his 6month check up! 6 months already! He is now able to roll from tummy to back, roll side to side, he sticks everything in his mouth, laughs, holds his own bottle, is almost sitting up, and working on eating right now. He likes to wake up extra early in the mornings. Two days in a row he was up before 4am. The second morning after sifeli woke up around 6, he took Aiden for an hour and a half so I could get some extra sleep. Thank you hubby!

“Insecurity robs us of the confidence it takes to become great at what we’ve been made to do.”

-Kyle Reid

I feel a bit like my life is on hold, like I am waiting until the house is finished and we move in to start my life. I know it’s silly and life is happening now but It feels like I am waiting for this big change to give myself permission to start living. There are so many things I want to do with the time I have been given in Tanzania. There are so many things I feel called to and I want to be able to step up and do them to the best of my abilities. I want my focus to be on Jesus, and I want to bring him to this hurting village; not only to the women but the men too. At times I feel hesitant to take that next step, I let myself get in the way; my fears, my expectations, my doubts, and insecurities. As much as I want to move into our own home, I also dread it too. I dread the constant visitors that I know will come with us living in the village. Where is this attitude coming from? I love these people, and I want to reach out to these people, how can I do that if I am dreading them? Where is the Jesus in that? I think what is hardest about all of this is not having good Christian support here in Tanzania. I know that so many of you are praying for me and I could never thank you enough, (as a good friend of mine put it, “the OR prayer squad”) but there is a need for close friendship here too. So pray for someone to come this way, and pray for me as I work on my attitude adjustment! 

“A successful Christian journey can be marked by changing one life as much as changing thousands.”

-Frank Powell

God is good!

Aiden with his cousin, Ima

The house is so close to being finished, and yet so far! Hopefully we will have the roof completed tomorrow (Tuesday) and the concrete done by the end of this week!!! So anxious to start our life in a new home! ;)

Our Room

Hallway

Guest Room

The kids are all doing well. They have lots of exams coming up and some are already finished! The new boy, Nicky, is brilliant. He got better scores then our other kids and there are two boys in grade 4 competing for number 1! Its so exciting to see that Nicky now has so many opportunities to  grow, opportunities he would not of had before.

The little boy, Shedrack that I have mentioned (the two new kids’ brother) is doing so well!! After three days of taking the medication he was already smiling again, and now he is able to walk again! God is so good! He is currently living with his grandmother, but it is not a good long term option. So continue to pray for a new home! 

It’s funny coming throught the market in Njombe with Aiden. NO ONE believes that he is my child. Apparently he looks quite African these days. One lady asked me about 5 times if he was mine mine, like did he come out of me mine. After I kept saying yes over and over again, finally Gerusa does a demonstration of him coming out of me.  Its pretty interesting having to convince people that the baby you are carrying around all of the time is in fact yours. 

Sifeli has decided that he missed everyone in America and would like to come back again next year. Perhaps you will be seeing all three of us again next year!